Asia, where everyone is your auntie or uncle.........
Copy from Eurasian Sensation
I'm in Malaysia right now, spending time with my partner's family. And have lost count of the amount of times I have said the words "auntie" and "uncle".
I'm not just talking about people who actually are my aunties and uncles (of which I could claim on a technicality that I have one of each in Malaysia, related to me via the marriage of my cousin). I'm talking about family friends too, but more than that; it refers to virtually anyone who is of an older generation.
So when you're sitting in one of those traditional Malaysian coffee shops invariably run by an elderly Chinese couple, a request for anything usually begins with some variation of "Excuse me auntie," despite never having met them before. Same with the Malay lady selling kueh by the roadside in SS2, or the Chinese guy who sells tofu fa and soybean milk out of the back of his van in the carpark of Uptown Damansara shopping centre - they are already an "auntie" and "uncle", despite the fact they don't know who the hell I am.
Now I can't claim insight into every Asian culture, but I'm guessing this is pretty common, if not universal, across the continent. Chinese do it. Malaysians do it. Indians and Sri Lankans do it.
Of course, there are limits on who you refer to by these terms. Once you get that high-salaried position at that Fortune 500 company, calling your CEO "uncle" is unlikely to go down as a stellar career move.
And make sure that the person is substantially older than you before you start calling them this. No one likes to be reminded that they are getting old, so thirtysomething women are often less than pleased to be called "auntie" by twentysomethings.
Now if you are reading this and live or grew up in an Asian country this will not be news to you. But it is quite radically different to the norm in the Anglo-Saxon world.
Clearly there is not one single "Western" cultural experience but many, and I can only speak from my own perspectives on growing up in that world. But as a child, I didn't even call my Aussie uncles "uncle". I called them by their names, which is what they seemed to expect. Likewise, if I visited the homes of my childhood friends (who were mostly white at the time), their parents would introduced themselves as John, Peter, Paula and the like, and expected to be called either by their names, or by Mr or Mrs whatever.
(I suspect that calling older relatives by their first names is a particularly Australian thing, since our culture prides itself on being more egalitarian and irreverent than say, the UK or US. Americans seem quite used to calling people Sir or Ma'am, while many Australians are not.)
I always figured calling my friends parents Mr and Mrs was a bit too businesslike, but calling them by their first names was overly familiar. Perhaps its my Indonesian cultural perspective speaking here - Indonesians, like many other Asians, are very status-conscious and would not address an older person by their first name without prefacing it with a respectful signifier of their status.
One thing that almost made my head explode was the high school friend who referred to her PARENTS by their first names. She'd be saying something like, "I was talking to Karin and Peter the other day," which would be fine until I figured that she was talking about her parents. Granted, this is not a common phenomenon in the West, but from an Asian perspective it may as well have been invented by aliens.
If you are an Indonesian, the terms for uncle and auntie (Oom and Tante, originally from Dutch) are used frequently, and tend to precede a relative's first name when referring to them. So I refer to my uncle Basuki Gunawan as Oom Bas, or just Oom. However, when referring to someone unconnected to the family/friend network, we use the terms Bapak (often shortened to Pak) and Ibu (Bu). While these are in some ways equivalent to Mr and Mrs, their primary meaning is father and mother. So while I could refer to my father as Pak, I would also same term for the older man serving me in a shop, for example.
This can occasionally lead to confusion. And Indonesian friend of mine, visiting Australia, elicited his share of bewildered looks when he greeted any older woman with "Hello, mother."
For when you live in a multicultural society, or you are a mixed-heritage person like myself (and therefore inherently multicultural), you will occasionally find yourself trying to negotiate different worlds and cultural norms, and sometimes getting confused. The first time I heard someone use the term "auntie" for someone they barely knew was around the time I first started hanging around with more and more Asians. And it through me. Although I certainly was used to using the Indonesian terms Oom and Tante for relatives and the parents of Indonesian friends, I hadn't figured that in the English-speaking Asian world, "uncle" and "auntie" were used in much the same way.
So when my Vietnamese friend, who had just met my mother only minutes beforehand, said to her "Bye Auntie", my first reaction was incredulous. She's not your auntie, I thought; what the hell's wrong with you?
But upon later reflection I realised it wasn't so unusual. Besides, if New Zealanders can refer to just about everyone as "bro"or "cuz", then what's the difference, really?
Posted by Eurasian Sensation
Anyway, for men, when in doubt’. For women, using Auntie on a wrong lady can get you a scolding. So, just use ‘pletty ger’.
in fact, we should use Mr or Miss for people if you're younger than them , if they looks younger then call ah boy or ah girl is the best answer.....
I KNEW HOW FRUSTRATING WHEN SOMEONE CALL YOU AUNTIE IF HE OR SHE ONLY YOUNGER THAN LESS THAN 12YEARS (he or she can be your sister and brother) , AND YOU even NOT LOOKS like old white hair woman at all... some people purposely made u angry just because you're not wearing sexy like other girls ... so ignore them don't fall into traps...
nicktay Said,
Honestly, as a chindian I have never anwesered to Ahmat, Ah Chong, or Thambi
totoro Said,
When I was in India I asked my Indian friend what thambi really meant… he said, it meant “brother”…
*scratch head*
mumsgather Said,
When in doubt, just call anyone above 30 “boss” or “si tau” or “si tau poh” lah.
Fashionasia Said,
aiyaaaa
just go by the basics la
“lengchai” for male
“lenglui” for female
You can never go wrong!!!! And u’ll put a smile in someone’s face too!!!!
Maria Said,
oii, don’t simply call “auntie” to old unmarried women, will get scold wan, have to call “ah sam”, my grandma told me wan.
Shan Said,
Yup calling them Aunty is very dangerous, especially if they’ve got a heavy and large handbag handy, that they can swat you over the head with…not speaking from personal experience or anything…ahem…
lucia Said,
when i was a kid, adults use to refer to the indians as ‘neh neh’ to me. sorry to the indians as i think to them this is kind of deragatory?
another thing you didn’t mention, simon, was how the chinese are so terrible to refer to the other races as ‘devil’ or ‘monkey’ like ‘ang moh kau’ (red haired monkey), ‘kay-a na kooi’ (indian devil), ‘hua na kooi’ (malay devil).
teenagers call me auntie. oops. that is telling my age.
well i don’t mind to be call auntie lah. i can’t understand why other women so bising bising when they are called auntie. if old, so old oledi lah, if auntie, so auntie lah -that is a fact!, why no like it when people call us auntie?
you know i even have those older than me calling me auntie! those who are same age as my mother call me auntie too! haha. no lah not that i look so old but they are usually those poor uneducated usually non chinese people whom we (our society that helps the poor) help, they will call ALL females (even teenagers) as aunty.
AUNTY LUCIA
zyrin Said,
hmm… usually use encik, cik, puan, tuan, sir, madam, miss… maybe a bit too formal, but hey, it keeps me out of trouble, hehehe.
hey, what about ‘abang’& ‘akak’?
simon Said,
nicktay – but i suppose a lot of ppl asked you “you chinese aa?”
totoro – really? i thot thambi was a malaysian word…
MG – I’M above 30, but how come no one call me ‘boss’?! they still call me ‘lengchai’!!!
fashionasia – if i say lengchai and lenglui all the time, i sound like a vcd seller la!
maria – but i thot ah sam is just as bad as auntie?!
shan – so, solution, “miss, miss, you look veli pletty today, aa? can you help me aa?”
lucia – i heard chinese use worse terms… my previous tealady was like 70 years old, un-married, very fierce. when ppl call her ah soh, she would get very angry and scold them! How ppl to know?! aiya….
zyrin – “bang, bang, boleh tolong sikit bang…?” ish, geli la!
Sashi Said,
Thambi is a Tamil word meaning “younger brother”, or “adik” in Malay.
Perfectly normal Tamil word, when used to address young boys or men younger than you.
Using it to address older people is the same as calling an older person “adik”. Not proper.
In that regard, one might use “anna” or “anneh” – meaning older brother (it’s pronounced in the bahasa baku way, not as in the feminine name Anna.
The equivalent Tamil word for younger sister is “thangachi”. Older sister is “akka”.
simon Said,
wah, thanks for the tips in tamil, sashi!
lilian Said,
Don’t dare call me auntie wor. Eventhough I already a real auntie to my nephew when I was as young as 10 yrs old.
Minah Karan’s opposite is Mat Bateri.
simon Said,
everytime i pass western digital in PJ after shift ends, i see alot of minah karan, mat bateri, bangla karan, paki karan, mat motor kilang karan…
Reta Said,
i sooooooo can’t stand people calling me ah moi.
urgh so repulsive =P
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mitsubishi Said,
Super site ! Bravo au webmaster qui a su rendre le site tres interressant.Continue comme ca
online Said,
This is one of the best sites I have ever found. Thanks!!! Very nice and informal. I enjoy being here.
Labels: asians, culture, indonesia, malaysia
MApril 5, 2010 at 2:31 PM
Nice post. I remember the look on my (Anglo-Australian) parents' faces when my Singaporean friends first addressed them as "auntie" and "uncle": equal parts surprise and delight, I seem to recall.
I found it quite endearing myself. Although I fear I might be getting old enough to have the title applied to myself; not sure how I'd feel about that.
Reply
Soda and CandyApril 6, 2010 at 2:39 AM
This is common in indigenous Australian communities too; elders are called Auntie [first name] or Uncle [first name].
Even though I am a white Aussie, I grew up calling my mum's close adult friends Auntie [first name] or Uncle [first name], I think it was common in her church because there was a large percentage of various Asian (mainly Chinese & Malaysian) people in the congregation.
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leigh204April 10, 2010 at 1:56 PM
Filipinos do the same thing. We call someone a 'tita' (aunt) or 'tito (uncle) even if we're not related. The same thing applies with calling a person 'kuya' (older brother/older man) or 'ate' (older sister/older woman) or a 'lolo' (grandfather/elderly man) and 'lola' (grandmother/elderly woman woman). It's a sign of respect.
