Monday, April 7, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
FORUMS
http://www.propertyzone.sg/classified/profile.php?do=editprofile
"ๅคซๅๅญไน่ก:้ไปฅไฟฎ่บซ,ไฟญไปฅๅ ปๅพท;้ๆทกๆณๆ ไปฅๆๅฟ,้ๅฎ้ๆ ไปฅ่ด่ฟ。" - ่ฏธ่ไบฎ
One should seek serenity to cultivate the body, thriftiness to cultivate the morals. If you are not simple and frugal, your ambition will not sparkle. If you are not calm and cool, you will not reach far. - Zhugeliang
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
ไธบไฝ็ทไบบ็ฑๅฐไธ
็ฌฌ1็ฑป:ๅ"ๅฐไธ"็ๅฅณๆงๅ ๅฟๆฎ้็ผบๅฐๅฏน็ฑ็ๅฎๅ จๆ,ๆบ่ชไบไปๅฐ็ผบๅคฑ็ถๆฏ็ๅ ณๆณจๅ้่ง。
ๅฝ้ๅฐไธไธชๆ็ไฝ่ดดๅ่ฝๅคๅตๆคๅ ณ็ฑๅฅน็็ทๆง,ๅณไฝฟ่ฟไธช็ทไบบๅทฒ็ปๆๅฉๅจ่บซ,ไนๆฟๆๅ่ฟๆ ท็็ทไบบๅจไธ่ตท,ๅฏๆไบๅฐๆฅๆไธๅคฉๅฏนๆน่ฝๅค็ฆปๅฉ,็ปๆๆญฃๆ。ไฝๆฏๅคงๅคๆฐ่ฟๆ ท็ๅฅณๆงๅพ้พๅฟๆณไบๆ。ๅ ไธบ็ผบๅฐๅฎๅ จๆ,่ฟๆ ท็ๅฅณๆง็ผบๅฐ็ฑ็่ฝๅ,ๅฏน็ทไบบไผๅพๆฑๆจๅๆๅ,ๅนถไธๅคงๅคๆฐไผๅฟๅไธไบ"ๅฐไธ"็ๅฐไธ่บซไปฝ่้ผ่ฟซ็ทไบบ็ฆปๅฉ,ๆไปฅๆๅญ็ญๆนๅผ่่ฟซ็ทไบบ,ไฝ็ทไบบ้ๆฉ็็ปๆๅคงๅคๆฐๆฏๅๆฅ็ๅฉๅงป。่ฟๆ ท็"ๅฐไธ"ๅพๅคไธๅบๅ็ปๆๅพๆจ,ๆๅฐ่ขซไบบๆฌบ้ชๆ่ๅ,ๆ็ซฏ็ไผ้ๆฉ่ชๆฎๆ่ชๆ。
็ฌฌ2็ฑป:ๅบไบ็ ๆ็ๆ ๆ้่ฆ็ๆปก่ถณ。
ๆไบ่ขซ็งฐไธบ"ๅคฉ็ๅฐไธ"็ๅฅณๆง,ๅๆน้ขๆกไปถ้ฝไผ็ง,็ปๆตๅ็ฒพ็ฅไธไนไธไพ่ต็ทไบบ,ไฝๆฏๅจไบฒๅฏๅ ณ็ณปไธญๆไธ็ง็ ๆ็้ๆฑ,้ฃๅฐฑๆฏ"ๅฐไธ็ปผๅๅพ"。็ฑไบๅฏนๅผๆงๅ ณ็ณป็ๆๅบฆๆๆงๅๆฒ่งฃ,ไฝฟๅพ่ฟ็ฑปๅฅณๆงๆ ๆณ้่ฟๆญฃๅธธ็ๅฉๅงปๅๆ ๆๅ ณ็ณปๅพๅฐๆปก่ถณ,่ๅช่ฝ้่ฟไธๅซ็ๅฅณๆงไบๅคบไธๅคซๆฅ่ทๅพ็ ๆ็ๆ ๆๆปก่ถณ,่ฟ็ฑปๅฅณๆงๅคงๅคๆฐ้ขๆ้ญ ๅ,ๅจ็ๆดปไธญไนไธ็ผบๅฐ่ฟฝๆฑ่ ,ไฝๆฏๅดๆ ๆณๅฎ็ฐ็ๆญฃไบฒๅฏๅ ณ็ณป็ๅปบ็ซๅ็ปดๆ。
็ฌฌ3็ฑป:ไธไปฅ็ปๅฉไธบๆ็ป็ฎ็็“ๅฐไธ”,ๅคงๅคๆฐๅ ทๆ้่ฝ็ๆ็ถๆ ็ป。
ๅฅนไปฌ่ฟไธ็พคไฝๅฏนๅทฒๅฉๆ็็ทๆงๆไธ็ง็นๅซ็ๅฅฝๆ,่ไธๆฏซไธ้กพๅฟๅฏนๆนๅทฒๅฉ็ไบๅฎ,ไธ้กพไธๅ็ฐๅฎ้็ข็ฏ็่ฟฝๆฑๅฏนๆน。ๆฏๅฆๅจ็ฐๅฎไธญๆไบๅฅณๅญฉไผ็ฑไธๆฏ่ชๅทฑๅนด้พๅคงๅพๅค็ๅทฒๅฉ็ทไบบ,ๅณไฝฟ่ชๅทฑ่บซ่ดฅๅ่ฃไนๅจๆไธๆ。ๅณไฝฟๅจๅฏนๆนไธ่ฝๅค็ปไบไปปไฝๅฉๅงปๆฟ่ฏบ็ๅๆไธ,ไพ็ถๆฟๆไฟๆๆ ไบบๅ ณ็ณป,ๅฟ็ๆ ๆฟไปฅ"ๅฐไธ"็่บซไปฝไธๅฏนๆน็ธๅค。
็ฌฌ4็ฑป:ไนๆไธบๆฐไธๅฐ็ๅฅณๆงๆไธบ"ๅฐไธ"ๆฏๅ ไธบ้ขๆๅงฟ่ฒ,ไฝๆฏๅ ไธบๅๆ่ฒไฝๆ่ชๅ็ญๅๅ ,้ ๆๅฅฝ้ธๆถๅณ,ๅคงๅคๆฐๅทฒๅฉๆๅ็ทไบบๆไธบ่ฟ็ฑป"ๅฐไธ"็็ฎๆ 。ๅๅฉๅฐไฝๅ่ดขๅฏๆไธบ่ฟ็ฑปๅฅณๆงๆไธบ"ๅฐไธ"็ๅๅฉๆงๅ ็ด ,ๅฆๆ่ฟไบๅพๅฐๆปก่ถณ,ๅณไฝฟไธ่ฝๆๅชๆญฃๅจถ,ไนๅฏไปฅๅฆ็ถๆฅๅ。
ๆถๅฐๆ ๆ ้ ่ฏปๆจ่:
ๅ ไนๆๆๅฐไธ้ฝๅท็งฐ“ไธไผ็ ดๅ็ทไบบ็ๅฎถๅบญ,ๅช่ฆๆฑๅๅฅนไธ็น็น็ฑ”。็ทไบบๅฏไปฅ่ฏดๅพๅฐ100%็่ช็ฑ,่ไธๆพๅพๅฐไธๆฏๅฆๆญค็ๆฅๆฅๅฏๆ。ไธไธช็บฏ็บฏ็็ฑ็ไฝ ,ไธๆฑๅๆฅ็ๅฅณๅญ,ๅฏไปฅ่ฎฉ็ทไบบ็้ๆง่ทๅฐ่็็็็ง,่ฎฉ็ทไบบไฝ้ชๅฐๅ่ฑ้็ๅฟซๆ,่ฏ้ฎๆๅคๅฐ็ทไบบๅฏไปฅๆ็ป?
ๆญ็ง:ไธบไฝ็ทไบบๅฟไธญ้ฝไผๆไธช“ๅฐไธ”
ๅฝๅฉๅงป้ญ้“ๅฐไธ”ๅ,้คไบไธๅๅผบ่ฐๅ ๆฅๅๅฐ็้กบๅบๅ้ๅพทๆ ๅๅค,ไนๅบ่ฏฅๆทฑๆไธไธๆฏไปไน่ฎฉๅฐไธๅฆๆญคๆ้ญ ๅ?ๅฐไธ่บซไธๅฐๅบๆไปไนๅผๅพๅญฆไน ๅ้ดๅฐๆน?
ไธ、“ๅฐไธ”ไผไฟฎ้ฅฐ่ชๅทฑๆปๆฏ้ฃไน็พไธฝ่ฟทไบบ。
ๅฅนไปฌไน่ฎธไธๆฏๅฎน่ฒๆๆผไบฎ็ไธ็พค,ไฝๅฅนไปฌๅดๅพไผไฟฎ้ฅฐ่ชๅทฑ。็ฒพๅทง็ๅฆๅฎน,ๅพไฝ็่กฃๆ,ๆๅช็ๅงฟๆ,ๅพ้ญ็็ผ็ฅ,ๆๅฅณไบบๅณๅๆฅๅพๆทๆผๅฐฝ่ด。ๅฅณไบบ็่ง้ฝ่ฝๆไธๅ็พกๆ ๅค็ไธค็ผ,็ทไบบ็่ง่ฟไธๆ้ญ้ฝไธขไบ?่“ๆญฃๆฟ”ไปฌๆ่ฎธๆพ็ปไน็พ่ฒๅฆ่ฑ,ไนๆฏๆถๅฐๅฅณๆง。ไฝๆไบ็ปๅฉๅๅฐฑไผ“็ๆ ๆต้ฒ”,ๅฐฑไผๅฟ่ฎฐ้ๅฝ็ไฟฎ้ฅฐๅๆๆฎ。่ฏ้ฎไธไธ,ไฝ ๅคฉๅคฉ้ฃไธชๅฅ็ๅฎฝๅคงๆง็ก่กฃ,ๅคดๅ้ๆๆฝๅจๅ่,ๅฎๅ จๆฒกๅๅฆ็่ณไธๆด่ธ,่ธขไธๅๆ้ๆปกๅฑๅญ่ฟฝ็ๅฟๅญๆ็ๅฅณไบบ,่ธไธ็็ฑ็บนๅ็กๅคง็็ผ่ข้บ้ข่ๆฅ……็ทไบบ้พ้ไธๅๅฆๅ?ไบๅฎ่ฏๆ,ๅๆไบบ็็พ่ฒ้ฝ็ปไธ่ตทๆๆฐ็ๆงๆฎ,ๅชๆๆๅฅณไบบๆฒกๆไธๅฅณไบบ。ๆไปฅ,่ฆๆณไธ่ฎฉ“ๅฐไธ”ๅ ฅไพต,่ชๅทฑๅฐฑๅค็ฟป็ฟปๆถๅฐๆๅฟ,ๅคไธไธๆ้ฅฐ็ฝ็ซ,ๅค่ฑ็น้ฑไนฐ่กฃๆๅๅฆๅ,ๅคๅพ่ธไธๆนไธ่ฅฟ……้คไบ็ฑๅฎถ็ฑ่ๅ ฌ็ฑๅฟๅฅณ,ๅฅณไบบๆด่ฆๅญฆไผ็ฑ่ชๅทฑ。
ไบ、“ๅฐไธ”ๆธฉๆไฝ่ดด,ๅ่งฃไบบๆ。
ไปๅฟ็ไธๆฅ่ฏด,ๅฐไธ่ฏๅฎๆฏๅบๆฐไธ่ถณ,ไธ็ฎกๅฅนไปฌ็ๆฌ่ดจๆฏไธๆฏไฝ่ดด็ๅฅณไบบ,ไฝๅฅนไปฌ้ฝๅพ่ฃ ๅบไธๅฏไฝ่ดด็ๆ ทๅญๅปๅธๅผๅ็ไฝ่บซ่พน็่ฟไธช็ทไบบ。่ไธๅฐไธไปฌ้ฝ็ฅ้,ๆธฉๆๅฏนไบ็ทไบบๆ่ดๅฝ็้ญ ๅ。ไน่ฎธ“ๆญฃๆฟ”ไปฌ็่ฑๅๆไธๆฉๅฐฑ่ขซ้ธกๆฏ่็ฎ็ๅฎถๅบญ็ไบไปฃๆฟ,ๆฏๅคฉๅฐฑๆฏๆฟๅญ่ฝฆๅญๅญฉๅญๆด็ฑณๆฒน็。่ฟๆฏๆ็ๅฎ็็ๆดป,ไฝๆฏๅๆถไนๆฏๆไปคไบบๅ็ฆ็。ๅฆๆไธ่ๅ ฌๆฏ็ๅฟ็ธ็ฑ,่ฐๆ ๅฐฑๆฏๅคฉ็ปๅฐไน็。ๆไปฅ,็ป่ชๅทฑๅ่ๅ ฌไธ็นๆถ้ด,ไป็ๆดป้่งฃๆพๅบๆฅ,ๅฐ่ไธๆๆฟๅญ่ฝฆๅญไธไผ้ฅฟๆญป,ๅค่ทไป่ฏด่ฏดไฝ ๆๅค็ฑไป,ไปๅจไฝ ๅฟไธญๆๅค้่ฆ,็ป็ฑๆ ๅ ็นๆ ่ฐๆ่ฝไฟ้ฒ。่ไธไบบๅฆปๆๅ ๅคฉไผๅฟ,ๅฐไธ่ฆๅๅฐ100ๅ็ไบๆ ,ไฝ ไปฌๅ60ๅ็ทไบบๅฐฑๅทฒ็ปๅพๆๅจไบ。
ไธ、“ๅฐไธ”ไธ่ฆๆฟ่ฏบๅช่ฆ็ฑ,็ป็ทไบบ็ปๅฏน่ช็ฑ。
ๅ ไนๆๆๅฐไธ้ฝๅท็งฐ“ไธไผ็ ดๅ็ทไบบ็ๅฎถๅบญ,ๅช่ฆๆฑๅๅฅนไธ็น็น็ฑ”。็ทไบบๅฏไปฅ่ฏดๅพๅฐ100%็่ช็ฑ,่ไธๆพๅพๅฐไธๆฏๅฆๆญค็ๆฅๆฅๅฏๆ。ไธไธช็บฏ็บฏ็็ฑ็ไฝ ,ไธๆฑๅๆฅ็ๅฅณๅญ,ๅฏไปฅ่ฎฉ็ทไบบ็้ๆง่ทๅฐ่็็็็ง,่ฎฉ็ทไบบไฝ้ชๅฐๅ่ฑ้็ๅฟซๆ,่ฏ้ฎๆๅคๅฐ็ทไบบๅฏไปฅๆ็ป?่“ๆญฃๆฟ”ไปฌๆฏไธๆฏ็ปๅธธๆฟ่ชๅทฑ่ๅ ฌๆฅ่ทๅซไบบ็่ๅ ฌๆฏ,ๆ่ ๅซๅผไป้ฑ่ตไธๅค、ไธชๅญๅคช็ฎ、ๆ ทๅญไธๅธ ?ๆๆฒกๆๅคฉๅคฉๆฃๆฅไป็้ฑๅ ๆๆบ,ๅฏปๆพไปๅบ่ฝจ็็่ฟน,ๆ็ทไบบๅฝ่ดผๆ ทๅฏนๅพ ๅข?ๅฏน็ฑๆ ๅไธๅซๆๅพๅคช็ดง,็ทไบบไฝ ่ถ็ปไป่ถๆณๆบ。็ทไบบๅฐฑๅๅฐๅญฉ,ๅฑไบๅทดๆๅไธๅฎ่ฆ็ป็น็ณ็็็ฉ,็จ็น่ฏด่ฏๆๅทง,ๅฐฑ่ฝๆไปๅๅพ่ดด่ดดๆๆ็。ๅๆถ,ไธ่ฆไพไป็ไป็ฑไฝ ๅฐฑๅฏนไป็พ่ฌๆๅๅๆฐ่ฝ,ๆดไธ่ฆไผๅพๆญ็ปไปๅไธๅ้ๆงๅจ็ฉ็ไบคๅพ。่ฏไธ็ป่ชๅทฑๅไผดไพฃไธไธชๆด่ช็ฑ็็ฉบ้ด,็ธไฟกไฝ ๅไป้ฝไผๆไธไธๆ ท็ๆ่ง。
ๆฅๆบ:้ฝ้ฒ็ฝ
ๅฅณไบบๅฟ ็:ๅฆไฝๅ่พจ็ทไบบ่ฑไธ่ฑๅฟ?
2011ๅนด07ๆ10ๆฅ11:42 ๆฅๆบ:ไธญๅฝๆฅๆฅ็ฝ็ซ ๆๆบ็ๆฐ้ป
ๆๅฐ็ฝๆ็บ ้ๅๅๅไบซๆจ่ๅพฎๅๅญๅท
้ๅธธๅฐ,ๅๆฌขๅๆ ไนฆ็็ทไบบ,ไธๅ ถ่ฏดไป็ญๆ ,ๅไธๅฆ่ฏดไปๆฏไธไธชๆๆ ็ป่ ป、ๅไบๆฏ่พๆ ้็็ทๆง,ๆไปฅๆๅฐ่ฏญ่จไธๅฅฝ่กจ่พพ็ๆๆๅๆๆๅญๆฅไผ ้……
ๅจ็ต่ฏ่พไธบๆฎๅ็ไปๅคฉ,้ ๅๆ ไนฆๆฅไผ ่พพๆๆ ็,ๅคงๆฆๆฏๅ ไธบๅฝไบไบบๆๅฎ็ๅพๅๅ้่ฆ。ไธ่ฎบไปๅจไฟกไธๅไปไนๅ ๅฎน,ไป้ฝๆฏๆณไผ ้“ๆๅฏนไฝ ๅพ่ฎค็”็่ฎฏๆฏ。
้ๅธธๅฐ,ๅๆฌขๅๆ ไนฆ็็ทไบบ,ไธๅ ถ่ฏดไป็ญๆ ,ๅไธๅฆ่ฏดไปๆฏไธไธชๆๆ ็ป่ ป、ๅไบๆฏ่พๆ ้็็ทๆง,ๆไปฅๆๅฐ่ฏญ่จไธๅฅฝ่กจ่พพ็ๆๆๅๆๆๅญๆฅไผ ้。
็ถ่,่ฅๆฏๆ ไนฆ่ฟๅๅฐ้ข็น,ๅฅณไบบๅ่ฆๆณจๆ้ฒ่ไบ。ๅ ไธบๅไฟก็ปๅฏนๆน,ๆฌ่บซๅฎนๆๅๆไธ็งๅๅฏนๆน็ดๆฅ่ฆๆฑไปฃไปท็่กไธบ,่ฟ่ๆฒๆนไบไนฆไฟกๆฅ่งฃๅณๅฟไธญ็่ฆ้ท。
่ตฐๅฐๆ็ซฏ,ไผๅฏน็ๅฎ็ๅฏนๆนไธๆๅ ด่ถฃ,่่ฟทๆไบ่ชๆๅก้ ็ๅนปๆณ。ๅ ๆญค,ๆ้ข้ขๅๆ ไนฆ็็ทๆง่งไฝๅ ๆปก็ญๆ ็็ๆณ็ทไบบ,็ญๅฐ่ฐ่ฎบ็ปๅฉๆถๅพๅพไผๅ็ฐๅฏนๆน่จ่กไธไธ,่ดไฝฟๅ ด่ถฃๅ จๆ ,ๅๅ็ ด่ฃ。
็ทไบบๆ้ฑๅฐฑๅๅ?
ๅฅณไบบๆปๅธๆ่ชๅทฑ็ๅฆไธๅ่ฆๅ ทๅค่ฑไฟๆฝๆด、่ชๆๅฅๅบท、ๅฟๅฐๅ่ฏ、ๆ้ฑๅ็ดๆ ็ๆกไปถ。ไบๅฎไธ,ไธ็ไธๅพๅฐๆ่ฟ็งๅๅ จๅ็พ็็ทไบบ。ไบๆฏ,ๅฅณๆงๅชๅฅฝ้ๆ ผไปฅๆฑ,ๅธๆๅซ็ป้ไฝฌ。ๅฏๆฏ,ๅฅนไปฌๅฟฝ็ฅไบไธ็น,ๆ้ฑๅนถไธ็ญไบๅนธ็ฆ。ๆ้ฑ็็ทไบบ้ๅธธๆฏ่พ้ฃๆต,ๅๆฌขๆนไธไบ้บป็ฆ。่ๅฅณๆงๆไธ่ฝๅฎนๅฟไธๅคซๆๅค้。ๅฅนไปฌ็ธๅคซๆๅญ,็ปดๆคๅฎถๅบญ,ไธบ็ๆฏ่ฝๆฅๆไธไธชๆขๅฎๅ จๅๆธฉๆ็ๅทข。ๅฐๅคดๆฅ,ไบบ่ดขไธค็ฉบ,่ฟๆฏๆฒๅง。
ๆตชๅญๅ็็ทไบบๆ ็ปชๅฆ้ฃ
ๆตชๅญๅ็็ทไบบ,ๆ้ฃๅบฆ,่ฐๅ้ฃ่ถฃ,ๆๅพๅบไปๅบ้ข็็คผไปช,ๅญฆ้ฎๅนฟๅ,่ฃ ๆฎๅ ฅๆถ,ๅนถๆ ้ฟๆๆธๅฅณไบบ็ๅฟ็。ไฝ ไธๅๆฌข็ญ้น็ๆถๅไปไผๅธฆไฝ ๅฐๆตท่พนๆฃๆญฅ,ๅฝไฝ ่ฎจๅ็ๆต่ก็ตๅฝฑๆถ,ไปๅไผๅธฆไฝ ๅปๅฌไธๅบ้ณไนไผ,่ฏธๅฆๆญค็ฑป็่กจ็ฐ,ไปคไฝ ไธ่ช่งๅฐ็ฑๅฟๅบ้ๅๆฌขไป。ไฝๆฏ,่ฟ็ฑป็ทไบบๅจ็ฑๆ ไธๆไธไธช่ดๅฝ็ๅผฑ็น,ๅฐฑๅจไบไป็ๅๆฐๅๆงๅฟ็。ไปๅๆฌขไธๆญ่ฟฝๆฑๅบๆฟ,ๅฆๅๅฐฑไผ็ชๆฏ。ๅ ๆญค,่ฟ็ง็ทไบบๅพๅฎนๆไผคๅฎณๅฅณไบบ,ไธๅผๅพๅปๆ่ฟฝๆฑ。
ๆญฃ่ง็ทไบบ็ๅฟๆๆ้น
ไธคไธชไบบ้ซ้ซๅ ดๅ ดๅฐ็บฆไผ็ๆถๅ,ๆฏๅฝๅๅ ถไปๅฅณๆงๆฆ่ฉ่่ฟๆถ,ไฝ ็็ทๆๅๆฏไธๆฏไนไผๆ่ง็บฟ็งปๅๅฅนๅข?่ฎธๅคๅฅณๆงไผ่ฎคไธบ่ฟ็ง็ทไบบๅบ่ฏฅๅคไบๆ้ฒ,่ฎคไธบไปไปฌไธๅฎๅฑไบๆๆ ไธไธ็ไบบ。ๅ ถๅฎๆชๅฟ ๅฆๆญค。ไป็ทๆงๅจ็คพไผไธญๆฎๆผ็่ง่ฒๅ็ซๅบๆฅ็,็ทๆงๅจ็คพไผไธ็ๅญๅฟ ้กปไธๅ้ ่ชๅทฑ็ๅฎๅ,ๅฟ ้กป็ผ็ๅ้ข,่ณๅฌๅ ซๆนๆ่ฝ้ฟๅ ๅฑ้ฉ,ๅ ๆญค่ช็ถๅ ปๆไบๅฏนๅจๅด็ฏๅข็ๆณจๆๅ。ๅ่ๆฏ้ฃไบ็ฎๅ ไธ็ดไธๆข่ฝฌ็งป็็ทๆง,ๅฐๆฅๅ็ๅค้็ๅฏ่ฝๆงๆดๅคง。ๅ ไธบ่ฟ็งๅๆณๅพๅฏ่ฝๆฏๅ ไธบไปๅคชๅฎนๆๆณจๆๅ ถไปๅฅณๆง่็ซๆ่ฟๆญฃ็็ปๆ。
ๅซไธไธไฟฎ่พนๅน ็ทไบบ็ๅฝ
้ๅธธ,ๅณไฝฟๅๆๆฃ็็ทไบบ,็บฆไผๆถไนไผๆขณๆขณๅคด,็ฉฟไปถๅนฒๅ็่กฃๆ,ๅธๆ็ปๅฏนๆน็ไธไธชๅฅฝๅฐ่ฑก。ๅฏๆฏ่ฟๆฏๆไบ็ทไบบ,็บฆไผๆถไธไฟฎ่พนๅน ,ๅๅๆไบๅฅณไบบไผๆฟ่ตทไธ็งๅฅณๆง็ๆฌ่ฝ,่งๅพๅฏนๆน"ๅฅฝๅฏๆ",ไป่็ๅบๆป้ไนๅฟๅซ็ปไป。
ๅฉๅ,่ฟ็ฑป็ทไบบๅจๅฆปๅญ"่ฐๆ"ไนไธ,ๅคๅจๅฝข่ฑก็จๅฅฝไธไบ,ๅฏๆฏ,ๅ ไธบไธๅไฟฎ้ฅฐ่ชๅทฑ,็ผบๅฐๅธๅผๅฅณๆง็ๅค่ง,ๅ ่ไธไผ่ฝปๆๅ็ๅค้。ๅ ๆญคไธ่ฌ็ๅฅณๆงๅฎนๆๅฏน่ฟไธ็ฑป็็ทไบบไธไบ้ฒๅค。ไธ่ฟ่ฟ็ฑป็ทไบบไธๅค้ๅๅทฒ,ไธๆฆ็งปๆ ๅซๆ,ๅพๅพไผๆๅ ถ่ฎค็,้ทๅพๅพๆทฑ,่ฎฉๅฅณๆนๅคงๆ้ๆ,ๆๆ ๅคฑๆช!
ไธคๆงๆญ็ง:็ทไบบไธบไปไนๆธดๆๅฉๅค่ณ้ 2011ๅนด07ๆ18ๆฅ14:43 ๆๆบ็ๆฐ้ป ๆๅฐ็ฝๆ็บ ้ๅๅๅไบซๆจ่ๅพฎๅๅญๅท ้ ๅง้ๅฅณๆญๆๅฑ:“ไฝ ๅฐๅบๆๅ ไธชๅฅฝๅฆนๅฆน,ไธบไฝๆฏไธชๅฆนๅฆน้ฝๅซ็ป็ผๆณช。”ๆๆงๆไผค,ๆฑๆจ็้ฝๆฏ็ทไบบ่ฑๅฟ。ๅฎ้ ๆ ๅตๆฏ,ๅไธช็ทไบบไนไธช่ฑ,็ทไบบ้ฝๅพๆธดๆๅฉๅค่ณ้。 ็ทๆงๆฟๆ่ฟๅ ฅไธไธช็จณๅฎ็ไธคๆงๅ ณ็ณป,ๅนถไธไปฃ่กจไปๅฐฑๅฎไบ“ไธๅคซไธๅฆป”。ไบๅฎไธ,ๅจไธไธช็จณๅฎ็ไธคๆงๅ ณ็ณปไนๅค,ๅๆถๅ ผๆไธไบ็ญๆๆงๅ ณ็ณป,ๆดๆๅฉไบๅ ถๅบๅ ไผ ้。 ้ ๅง้ๅฅณๆญๆๅฑ:“ไฝ ๅฐๅบๆๅ ไธชๅฅฝๅฆนๅฆน,ไธบไฝๆฏไธชๅฆนๅฆน้ฝๅซ็ป็ผๆณช。”ๆๆงๆไผค,ๆฑๆจ็้ฝๆฏ็ทไบบ่ฑๅฟ。 ่ฟๆ ท็ๆต่กๆญๆฒๅฆๆๆฒณๆฒๆฐ,ๅ ณไบ็ทไบบ“ๅฎถ้็บขๆไธๅ,ๅค้ขๅฝฉๆ้ฃ้ฃ”็ๆๆงๅฑก่งไธ้ฒ。ๅฟ็ๅญฆ็ ็ฉถ่กจๆ,็ทๆงๅฏปๆพๅค้็ๅฟ็ๅพๅ่ฆ่ฟ้ซไบๅฅณๆง。ๅฅณๆงๆไบๅค้ๅ,ๅคๅไผ็็ฆปๅๆไผดไพฃ,็ทๆงๅดๅคๅ่ฝๅฟๅฎ็ๅพๅฐไบซๅ“้ฝไบบไน็ฆ”。 ่ฟไบ่กไธบๆฌ่ฝๅบ็ถๆ่ฟ็ฐไปฃๆๆ้ๅพท,ๅดๆฏๅจไบบ็ฑปๆผซ้ฟ็่ฟๅๅฒไธญๅฝขๆ,่ๅๆฏ็ทๆงๅจ่ช็ถ้ๆฉไธญๅฝขๆ็็น่ก็ญ็ฅ——ไธบไบไผ ้ๅบๅ 。 ๅ่ฎพไธไฝ่ฟทไบบ็้็ๅผๆงๆฌพๆฌพ่ตฐๆฅ,ๅฏนไฝ ่ฏด:“ๆ่งๅพไฝ ๅพๆ้ญ ๅ,ไฝ ๆฟๆๅๆๅ ฑๅบฆ่ฏๅฎตๅ?”ๅฆๆไฝ ๆฏๅฅณๆง,ไฝ ไธๅฎไผๆไธๅฏ้,่งๅพๅๅฐไบๅ็ฏ;ๅฆๆไฝ ๆฏ็ทๆง,้ฃๆ ๅตๅฏๅฐฑไธไธๆ ทไบ。 ไบๅฎไธ,ๅจไธ้กน็ฑปไผผ็ ็ฉถไธญ,100%็ๅฅณๆง้ฝๅฏนๆญคๆ ๅฝข่ฏดไบ“ไธ”,่75%็็ทๆงๅ่ฎคไธบ่ชๅทฑ่ตฐไบๆก่ฑ่ฟ,ๅฆๅค25%็็ทๆงๅชๆฏ้กพๅๅฐ็ฐๅจ็ไผดไพฃ,ๆ่ฏดไบ“ไธ”。็ฑๆญคๅฏ่ง,็ทไบบ็็กฎๆฏๅฅณไบบ่ฑๅฟๅพๅค。 ่ฟๅๅฟ็ๅญฆๅฎถไปๅบๅ ไผ ้็่งๅบฆ่งฃ้ไบ็ทๆงๆฏๅฅณๆงๆด่ฑๅฟ็ๅๅ 。ๅๆ ทๆฏๆง่กไธบ,็ทๆงๅ ไนๆฒกๆไปปไฝๆๅ ฅ,ๅฅณๆงๆๆๅฏ่ฝ่ฆๆ่ไนๆ。 ไป็่ฎบไธ่ฎฒ,ไธไธช็ง็ๆดป้ไพฟ็่ฟๅค็ทๆงไธๅนดๅ ๅฏไปฅๅฏผ่ดๅพๅคๅฅณๆงๆๅญ,ๅญ่ฒๅคง้ๅไปฃ,ไฝไธไธช่ฟๅคๅฅณๆงไธ็ฎก่ทๅคๅฐไบบๅ็ๆงๅ ณ็ณป,ไธๅนดๅ ้ฝๅช่ฝ็่ฒไธไธชๅญฉๅญ。็ทๆงไป็ญๆๆง่กไธบไธ่ทๅพ็็นๆฎๆถ็่ฆ่ฟๅคงไบๅฅณๆง,่ฟๅฐฑไฝฟ็ทๆงๅฏน็ญๆๆง่กไธบ่ฟๅๅบไบๆฏๅฅณๆงๅคงๅพๅค็ๆฌฒๆ。 ็ญ็บฟ:ๆ ไบบ้ไฝๆ ๅไธไธไบๆฟ่ฏบ ็ถ่,็ทๆงๆฟๆ่ฟๅ ฅไธไธช็จณๅฎ็ไธคๆงๅ ณ็ณป,ๅนถไธไปฃ่กจไปๅฐฑๅฎไบ“ไธๅคซไธๅฆป”。ไบๅฎไธ,ๅจไธไธช็จณๅฎ็ไธคๆงๅ ณ็ณปไนๅค,ๅๆถๅ ผๆไธไบ็ญๆๆงๅ ณ็ณป,ๆดๆๅฉไบๅ ถๅบๅ ไผ ้。 ๅฝ็ถ,่ฟไบ็ญๆๆงๅ ณ็ณปๅนถ้ๆฒกๆไปฃไปท,ๆฏๅฆ,ๆฅๆๅคไธชๆงไผดไพฃๅฐฑๆดๆๅฏ่ฝๆๆ็พ็ ;“ๆตช่กๅญ”็ๅฝข่ฑกไผไฝฟไป้พไปฅๆพๅฐๅๆ็้ฟๆ้ ๅถ;ไปๅฏ่ฝไผ้ญๅฐๅฆปๅญ็ๆฅๅค。 ๆข่จไน,ไปๅฟ ้กปๆณๅๆณไฝฟ่ชๅทฑๅจ็ญๆๆงๅ ณ็ณปไธญ็ๆถ็ๅคงไบไปๅบ。ไธบไบๅบๅฏน่ฟไธช้ฎ้ข,็ทๆง่ฟๅๅบไบไธ็ณปๅๆฌ่ฝๅพๅ,ๅฟ็ๅญฆๅฎถ็งฐไนไธบ็ญๆๆฉๅถ็ญ็ฅ。 ๅจ้ๆฉ็ญๆ้ ๅถๆน้ข,็ทๆง็็ญ็ฅๅฐฑๅฎๅ จไธๅไบ。่ฐๆฅๅ็ฐ,็ทๆงๅจ้ๆฉ็ญๆๆงไผดไพฃๆถ,ๅฏนๅ ถ้ญ ๅ、ๅฅๅบท、ๅๆ่ฒ็จๅบฆ、ๅ็ฑ、่ดฃไปปๅฟ็ญๅค็งๆ ๅ็ๅฐบๅบฆ้ฝๆพๅพๆดไฝ,ๆดไธ่ฆๆฑๅฏนๆนๆๅคๅฟ ่ฏ,่“้ฟๅ ๆฟ่ฏบ”ๅๆฏไปไปฌ็ญๆๆฉๅถ็ญ็ฅ็ๆ ธๅฟ。ๅ ไธบไธๆฆๆๆๆฟ่ฏบ,็ญๆๅ ณ็ณปๅฐฑไผๆผๅๆ้ฟๆๅ ณ็ณป,่ฟไธไป็ๆฟๆ่้่้ฉฐ。 ็ ็ฉถๅ็ฐ,ๅจ้ๆฉ็ญๆๆงไผดไพฃๆถ,็ทๆงไผๆๆฅ่ฆๆฑๆฟ่ฏบ็ๅฅณๆง。ๅพๅคๆง็ป้ชไธฐๅฏ็็ทๆงๆ่ฟๆ ท็ไฝ้ช:ไธๅค้ฃๆตๅ,ไผดไพฃ็้ญ ๅๆถๅคฑๆฎๅฐฝ,่ชๅทฑๅพๆณไธ่ตฐไบไน。่ฟๅจๆ็ง็จๅบฆไธ่ฏๆ็ทๆง่ฟๅๅบไธ็งๅฟ็ๆบๅถ,ๅจ็ญๆๆงๅ ณ็ณปๅ่ฟ ้ๅๅฏนๆนๅๆ,ไปฅไพฟไฝฟๆ่ตๆๅฐๅ。 ๅฏน็ ง็ฐๅฎไธ้พๅ็ฐ,ไธบไปไนๅฎฃ็งฐ“ไปไน้ฝไธ่ฆ”็ๅฅณๆงๅพๅฎนๆ่ตขๅพๅทฒๅฉ“ๅค้็ท”็้็,่ฟ ้ๅผๅงไธๆฎตๅฉๅคๆๆ ;่ไธๆฆๅฅณๆง่ฆๆฑๆฟ่ฏบ,ๅฏนๆนๅคๅไผๆฅๅๆฉๆ ไธ,้ๅๅฆปๅญ่บซ่พน,ๅ ไธบ“ๅค้็ท”็ปงๆฟไบไป้ฃ่ฟๅค็ฅๅ ็็ญๆๆฉๅถ็ญ็ฅ——ๅ้ฟๆฟ่ฏบ,ไปฅๅ ๆน็ซไธ่บซ。 ่ฟๆ้้ฃไบ้ทๅ ฅๅทฒๅฉ“ๅค้็ท”ๆตชๆผซ่ฟทๅฑ็ๅฅณๅญฉๅญ,่ฆ็ทไบบๆๅฆปๅผๅญๅฏไธๆฏไปถๅฎนๆ็ไบ,้ค้ไฝ ่ฝไฟ่ฏ่ชๅทฑๆฐธ่ฟไธ้่ฆๆฟ่ฏบ——่ฟๆฐๆฐๆฏๅฅณๆงๅคง่็ๆญป็ฉด,็ดขๅๆฟ่ฏบๆฏๅฅณๆง็น่ก็ญ็ฅ็ๆ ธๅฟ,ๅฆๅ่ฟๆฏๆฉๆฉไบ็ปไธบไธ,ไปฅๅ ๅไผคๅคชๆทฑ。 ๅฝ็ถ,็ทๆง้ฟ็ญๆๆฉๅถ็ญ็ฅๅชๆฏไธ็งๅฟ็ๆฌ่ฝ,ไฝๅนถ้ไธๅฏๆนๅ。ๅ ไธบๅฎๆฏ็ซไธ็ฐไปฃๆๆ่้่้ฉฐ,ไบบ็ฑป็็ๆงๅฏไปฅไฟฎๆญฃๆฌ่ฝ,ไบ่งฃๅฟ็ๆฌ่ฝ็ๅฝขๆๆบๅถ,ไพฟๆฏไฟฎๆญฃ็็ฌฌไธๆญฅ。 ๆฅๆบ:ๅคงๆด็ฝ-ๅนฟๅทๆฅๆฅ
2011ๅนด07ๆ11ๆฅ20:30 ๆๆบ็ๆฐ้ป
ๆๅฐ็ฝๆ็บ ้ๅๅๅไบซๆจ่ๅพฎๅๅญๅท
ๅบ่ฝจไธๅฏๅ่ฐ :ๅฅณไบบ็็ฑ
ไธไธชๅฅณไบบ็ๅจไธๅนธ็็ฑๆ ้็บฆไน ,ๅคฑๅป็ๅฐฑ่ถๅค,่ไธๆ็ป่ฟๆฏไผ่ตฐๅฐๅๅผ็ๅฐๆญฅ。
้ๅธธ,50ๅฒไปฅไธ็,ๆฒกๆๅญฆๅ็,็ผบไนๆ่ฝ,้คไบไธๅคซๆไพ็็ปๆต่ตๅฉๆฒกๆๅ ถไป็ๆดปๆฅๆบ็ๅฅณไบบๆๆๆๅฏ่ฝ็ๅจๅบ่ฝจ็็ทไบบ่บซ่พน。ๅฆๆไฝ ไธ็ฌฆๅ่ฟไบๆกไปถ,ๆๅฅฝๅฆๅๆ็ฎ。
ๅฅณไบบ็จๆฅๅบๅฏน็ทไบบๅบ่ฝจ่กไธบ็ๆนๅผๆๅพๅค,ๅคงๅค้ฝๆฏ่ด้ข็:้ ้ 、ๆ่ฏ,่ฟ้้ฅฎ้ฃ,็ฏ็่ดญ็ฉ,ๆ่ชๅทฑไนๅบ่ฝจๆฅๅคไป。
่ฏๅพๅฟๅ้ฃไบๆ นๆฌไธๅฏ่ฝๅฟๅ็ไบๆ ,ๅชไผ่ฎฉ่ชๅทฑๆดๆฒฎไธง,ๆด็่ฆ。
ๆคๆๅๆๆไผ็ปๅฅๅบทๅธฆๆฅๅฑๅฎณ,่ๅฟๆฐๅๅฃฐไผๆ้ซๅฟ่็ 、้ซ่กๅไปฅๅๆไบ็็ๅ็ ็ๅ ็。
ๅ็ๆ็ๆถๅ,ๅฆๆไฝ ็ๅไผไบบๆฌบ้ชไบไฝ ,ไฝ ่ฟไผๅไป้ฟๆๅไฝๅ?
ๅญค็ฌ็็ๆฏๅๅบๅผๆขฆ็็ๆดปๆด็ณ็ณๅ?
่ฎฉไธไธชไบบไปๆญคๆนๆไธๅฎนๆๆนๅ็่กไธบ,้ๅธธ้ฝๆฏๅจไปๅทฒ็ปๆ่ฏๅฐ้ฎ้ข、ๅฏน่ชๅทฑไธๆปกๆ็ๆถๅ。ไบๅฎไธ,ๅพๅค็ทไบบๅฏนไบ่ชๅทฑ็ๅค้่กไธบไนๅจๅ ถไธญ,็ไธๅฐ่ชๅทฑๆไปไน้่ฏฏ,ไนๆ นๆฌไธๆณๆพๅผ--็นๅซๆฏๅจๅฆปๅญ็ๅฝไปคไธๆพๅผ。
ๅบ่ฝจๅฏไปฅๅ่ฐ :็ทไบบ็็ฑ
็ทไบบๅบ่ฝจๅพๅพๆฏไธบไบ่ฟฝๆฑๆง็ฑ็ๅบๆฟๅๅๅ,่ๅนถ้็็็ฑไธๅฏนๆน。
ๅพๅคๆถๅ,็ทไบบ่ขซๅซ็ๅฅณไบบๆๆถๅ็จ,ๅชๆฏไธบไบ“่ฐ่ฐๆ ”。
ๆๅฉๅคๆ ็็ทไบบ,ๅพๅพๆฏไธๅคซไธๅฆปๅถ็ๅฟ ๅฎๆฅๆค่ 。
็ทไบบๅ ไธบๅๅ ถไปๅฅณไบบๆๅ ณ็ณป,่ไฝฟไป็ๅฉๅงปๆดๅ ็จณๅบ。
็ทไบบๅบ่ฝจ,ไธ่ฟๆฏไธบไบ่ฏๆ่ชๅทฑ็้ญ ๅๅๅธๅผๅ。
็ทไบบ็ๅทฅไฝๅๅๅคชๅคง,ไปไปฌ้่ฆๅฏปๆฑไธ็ง่งฃ่ฑ。
ๆ่ฟๅนด่ฝป,ไธ่ฏฅ่ฟไนๆฉๅฐฑ่ขซๅ ณ่ฟๅฉๅงป็็ข็ฌผ้。
ๆ็ฑๆ็ๅฆปๅญ,ไฝๆไป้่ฆๅ ถไปๅฅณไบบไฝฟๆ็็ๆดปๆดๅ ๅฎ。
ๅบ่ฝจ็็ทไบบไธญๆ85%ไธไผ็ฆปๅผไป็ๅฆปๅญ。
ๆไปฌ็ๅค้่กไธบไธๅฉๅงป็ๅฅฝๅๆฏไธคๅไบ。
้ซๆถๅ ฅ、ๆๅๆ็ๆๅ็ทไบบๆดๅฎนๆๅบ่ฝจ,ๅฆๆๅฅณไบบๅๆฌขๆกไปถๅฅฝ็็ทไบบ,้พ้ไธๅบ่ฏฅๆฅๅๆไบฎ็่้ขๅ?
ๅฏน็ทไบบๆฅ่ฏด,่ๅๅพๅฎนๆๅๅฐ,่ไธ็้ฝๅฟ ๅฎ้พๅฆไธ้ๅคฉ。
็พๅฅฝ็ๅฉๅงปๅ้ขๆฏไธ็พๅฅฝ็ๆง็ๆดป。
็ฝชๆถๆไฝฟ็ทไบบๅฏนๅฆปๅญๆดๅฅฝ。
้ฟๆๅ็ฌฌไธ่ ็ปดๆๅ ณ็ณปไน่ฎธๆไบ่ฟๅ,ไฝไธๅคๆ ๆๅจๅผๅฐ็็ญๆๅค้ๆฏไธไผคๅฎณไปปไฝไบบ็。
ๆฒกๆไธไธช็ทไบบๆฏ่ๅฎ็。
ๅฆปๅญๆฏๆ ๅฆๅ ๆๆดๅคไผๅฟ——ๅฅนไปฌๆไธไธชๅฎถ,ไธไธชๆ็,ไธๅผ ็ปๅฉ่ฏไนฆ。
ไธไธชๆ่บซไปท็ๆๅ็ทไบบๆฏไฝ็ญๅๆฌข่ฟ,ๅๅ ณๆณจ,ๅณไฝฟไปๆๅ่ฌไธๅฅฝ,ๅช่ฆไป็ๅฆปๅญๆๅฅณๆๅไธๆพๆ,ไป้ฉฌไธไผ่ขซๅซ็ๅฅณไบบๆฅ่ฟๅป。
ๆฅๆบ:ไธๆน็ฝ

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Monday, February 25, 2008
how to deal with Nuisance Mother In Law
My relationship with my mother in law is dragging me down. She routinely criticizes, slights, and insults me. This is usually done in a sly enough manner that it’s hard to challenge her behavior directly without feeling as though I’m overreacting. It’s her attitude that’s the problem. She has been condescending and catty from day one of our marriage. I believe she lives under a lot of self-imposed guilt and when she sees me being happy and carefree, it activates her anxieties and she wants to bring me down.
Also, I think she is jealous of no longer being the most important woman in her son’s life, and perhaps of the popularity I have with the rest of their family as well.
I don’t think I can change her and I don’t well see how I can avoid her, either. I think it is better for me to put up with some unpleasantness than to come between my husband and his mother whom he loves, and who has been a good enough mother from all I can tell. I don’t think he’d go stay with them without me, at least not very often. We spend one weekend with them every month or so as it is.
Also, I have excellent relationships with the rest of my in-laws, and a complete rupture with her would mean at least a partial rupture with them, which I don’t want to make. Lastly, I’m expecting a baby in the fall and I want to do what I can to promote great relationships between my baby and all of his/her grandparents. Starting a feud with my mother- in- law would not be conducive to this.
So, I don’t feel I can change her or cut her out of my life. The question is, how to tolerate this persistent unkindness and persecution without letting it poison me? As it is, I dread seeing her days before I do and fume over her cattiness for days after I’m exposed to it. It seems silly that a few snarky remarks over an occasional weekend that take her a few seconds to deliver should cast a pall over so many days of my life. This is especially frustrating because I have a wonderful relationship with my husband, I love our new home, and I’m beyond happy about my growing baby. I want to revel in these things without becoming brooding and resentful over a nasty person who doubtless makes her own misery and needn’t make mine.
Also, I never wanted to be one of those clichรฉd women who are always griping about their mothers-in-law, and now look at me.
A: I think you are trying to manage a very difficult situation, and feeling the struggle of trying to provide balance in the family. While it is hard to know for sure, your analysis of why she is like this is certainly in keeping with relevant theories on this type of passive-aggressive behavior. This is difficult, but I do think there are strategies that might help.
From your description your mother-in-law doesn’t sound like she knows or cares that she has this impact on you. You will need several tools to unhook from her cattiness and sly remarks. The main feature is to not let her activate your defensiveness. In other words, the work here is to ‘detach with love’ as the Al-Anon programs might say, and don’t take any of her bait.
There are three strategies that tend to work in these situations, and they come in varying degrees of leverage. All three have one thing in common, and that is to leave the discomfort with her rather than with you. This is not antagonistic, but rather leaving the problem at its origin, with her.
In his classic book, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry into Values, Robert M. Pirsig referred to the fact that the Japanese have a notice at the beginning of their instructions on how to assemble a new purchase. The notice says (I am paraphrasing): “To begin, the assembler must be in the right frame of mind.” This is where you begin with your encounter with her. Begin in the right frame of mind, which is: This is her issue — do not let it become yours.
When she says an unkind comment or criticism offer back a simple descriptive statement of what she said: “It sounds like you’re unhappy with how I keep my home.” Or: “You seem disappointed in what was served for dinner.” In other words, let her criticisms and persecutions be hers. Again, don’t take the bait and feel the need to defend yourself. A descriptive statement allows you to stay present but not become overwhelmed by her taunts.
The second coping method is to respond with a statement that directly identifies the fact that the issue is hers. “It must be hard for you to feel so disappointed so often.” Or: “It seems like you are unhappy when you are here.”
The third encounter has a uniqueness to it because it is twofold. It uses a question as a way of undoing the hurtfulness behind her condescending or persecuting manner. After she has said something hurtful, ask a question: “When you say things like that, do you ever wonder what it might be like for me to hear?” “Or: “Are you aware how often you say things like that?” Or: “Are you this unhappy when you are at home?”
The second part of this depends on you, and what you feel is appropriate. The stance is the same: This is her issue; do not let it become yours. After she answers the question you may use the other strategies to stay engaged without becoming defensive.
Typically someone like your mother-in-law is skilled in not taking responsibility for his or her passive-aggressive hurtfulness, so a direct confrontation is usually unproductive. But offering some feedback in this second part might be helpful, as long as you keep your expectations low. After asking one of the questions in the previous paragraph, you might try adding something like: “…because when you say things like that it makes it hard for me to be around you.”
Don’t feel the need to explain or defend yourself. Doing so will get you nowhere but more frustrated. Just say what you feel is factual, then go back to the other strategies without trying to defend or criticize. Your job here is to protect yourself from feeling overwhelmed. With some practice your mother-in-law will learn that she isn’t upsetting you, but that her insults land back on her doorstep.
If your husband is agreeable you might ask him to help role-play with you to build up your skill. This may help the two of you bond over the issue as well.
Good luck with this. It will take you a while to get good at responding but in the words of the great Eleanor Roosevelt: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Daniel J. Tomasulo, Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP is a graduate of the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania and works as Martin Seligman's assistant instructor there. He is a licensed psychologist specializing in group psychotherapy and psychodrama and is the author of the highly acclaimed Confessions of a Former Child: A Therapist’s Memoir. Visit www.formerchild.com for more information. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
You may also like:
Often DepressedOCD & The Perception of Being SelfishPsych CentralHas Alzheimer’s disease or memory loss touched someone you love?healtheo360.comCan she really forget she loved me?Emotional Vampires at Work: Dealing with Bosses & Coworkers Who Drain You DryPsych CentralMy Mother-in-Law Hates Me
Read more questions answered by this therapistWas My Ex Morally Wrong?An irreconcilable problem?Two years of constantly fightingTrust is Affecting EverythingFalling Apart?Trouble with RelationshipsBoyfriend was UnfaithfulTroublesome ChildTime to Move On?Husband Says Insulting Me is Fun
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 18 Mar 2010
APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2010). How do I deal with my passive-aggressive mother-in-law?. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 13, 2013, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2010/03/18/how-do-i-deal-with-my-passive-aggressive-mother-in-law/
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TourMy relationship with my mother in law is dragging me down. She routinely criticizes, slights, and insults me. This is usually done in a sly enough manner that it’s hard to challenge her behavior directly without feeling as though I’m overreacting. It’s her attitude that’s the problem. She has been condescending and catty from day one of our marriage. I believe she lives under a lot of self-imposed guilt and when she sees me being happy and carefree, it activates her anxieties and she wants to bring me down. Also, I think she is jealous of no longer being the most important woman in her son’s life, and perhaps of the popularity I have with the rest of their family as well. I don’t think I can change her and I don’t well see how I can avoid her, either. I think it is better for me to put up with some unpleasantness than to come between my husband and his mother whom he loves, and who has been a good enough mother from all I can tell. I don’t think he’d go stay with them without me, at least not very often. We spend one weekend with them every month or so as it is. Also, I have excellent relationships with the rest of my in-laws, and a complete rupture with her would mean at least a partial rupture with them, which I don’t want to make. Lastly, I’m expecting a baby in the fall and I want to do what I can to promote great relationships between my baby and all of his/her grandparents. Starting a feud with my mother- in- law would not be conducive to this. So, I don’t feel I can change her or cut her out of my life. The question is, how to tolerate this persistent unkindness and persecution without letting it poison me? As it is, I dread seeing her days before I do and fume over her cattiness for days after I’m exposed to it. It seems silly that a few snarky remarks over an occasional weekend that take her a few seconds to deliver should cast a pall over so many days of my life. This is especially frustrating because I have a wonderful relationship with my husband, I love our new home, and I’m beyond happy about my growing baby. I want to revel in these things without becoming brooding and resentful over a nasty person who doubtless makes her own misery and needn’t make mine. Also, I never wanted to be one of those clichรฉd women who are always griping about their mothers-in-law, and now look at me. A: I think you are trying to manage a very difficult situation, and feeling the struggle of trying to provide balance in the family. While it is hard to know for sure, your analysis of why she is like this is certainly in keeping with relevant theories on this type of passive-aggressive behavior. This is difficult, but I do think there are strategies that might help. From your description your mother-in-law doesn’t sound like she knows or cares that she has this impact on you. You will need several tools to unhook from her cattiness and sly remarks. The main feature is to not let her activate your defensiveness. In other words, the work here is to ‘detach with love’ as the Al-Anon programs might say, and don’t take any of her bait. There are three strategies that tend to work in these situations, and they come in varying degrees of leverage. All three have one thing in common, and that is to leave the discomfort with her rather than with you. This is not antagonistic, but rather leaving the problem at its origin, with her. In his classic book, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry into Values, Robert M. Pirsig referred to the fact that the Japanese have a notice at the beginning of their instructions on how to assemble a new purchase. The notice says (I am paraphrasing): “To begin, the assembler must be in the right frame of mind.” This is where you begin with your encounter with her. Begin in the right frame of mind, which is: This is her issue — do not let it become yours. When she says an unkind comment or criticism offer back a simple descriptive statement of what she said: “It sounds like you’re unhappy with how I keep my home.” Or: “You seem disappointed in what was served for dinner.” In other words, let her criticisms and persecutions be hers. Again, don’t take the bait and feel the need to defend yourself. A descriptive statement allows you to stay present but not become overwhelmed by her taunts. The second coping method is to respond with a statement that directly identifies the fact that the issue is hers. “It must be hard for you to feel so disappointed so often.” Or: “It seems like you are unhappy when you are here.” The third encounter has a uniqueness to it because it is twofold. It uses a question as a way of undoing the hurtfulness behind her condescending or persecuting manner. After she has said something hurtful, ask a question: “When you say things like that, do you ever wonder what it might be like for me to hear?” “Or: “Are you aware how often you say things like that?” Or: “Are you this unhappy when you are at home?” The second part of this depends on you, and what you feel is appropriate. The stance is the same: This is her issue; do not let it become yours. After she answers the question you may use the other strategies to stay engaged without becoming defensive. Typically someone like your mother-in-law is skilled in not taking responsibility for his or her passive-aggressive hurtfulness, so a direct confrontation is usually unproductive. But offering some feedback in this second part might be helpful, as long as you keep your expectations low. After asking one of the questions in the previous paragraph, you might try adding something like: “…because when you say things like that it makes it hard for me to be around you.” Don’t feel the need to explain or defend yourself. Doing so will get you nowhere but more frustrated. Just say what you feel is factual, then go back to the other strategies without trying to defend or criticize. Your job here is to protect yourself from feeling overwhelmed. With some practice your mother-in-law will learn that she isn’t upsetting you, but that her insults land back on her doorstep. If your husband is agreeable you might ask him to help role-play with you to build up your skill. This may help the two of you bond over the issue as well. Good luck with this. It will take you a while to get good at responding but in the words of the great Eleanor Roosevelt: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Wishing you patience and peace, Dr. Dan Daniel J. Tomasulo, Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP is a graduate of the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania and works as Martin Seligman's assistant instructor there. He is a licensed psychologist specializing in group psychotherapy and psychodrama and is the author of the highly acclaimed Confessions of a Former Child: A Therapist’s Memoir. Visit www.formerchild.com for more information. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog. You may also like: Often DepressedOCD & The Perception of Being SelfishPsych CentralHas Alzheimer’s disease or memory loss touched someone you love?healtheo360.comCan she really forget she loved me?Emotional Vampires at Work: Dealing with Bosses & Coworkers Who Drain You DryPsych CentralMy Mother-in-Law Hates Me Read more questions answered by this therapistWas My Ex Morally Wrong?An irreconcilable problem?Two years of constantly fightingTrust is Affecting EverythingFalling Apart?Trouble with RelationshipsBoyfriend was UnfaithfulTroublesome ChildTime to Move On?Husband Says Insulting Me is Fun
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 18 Mar 2010 APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2010). How do I deal with my passive-aggressive mother-in-law?. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 13, 2013, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2010/03/18/how-do-i-deal-with-my-passive-aggressive-mother-in-law/ « Ask-the-Therapist Index Family & ParentingParenting ArticlesFamily ArticlesChildren and Teen ArticlesSchool IssuesStudent ArticlesDivorce ArticlesDomestic ViolenceActive Father-Figure Helps Kids Recommended Books Connecting Your Family in Disconnecting Times, a parenting e-book by Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D. by Laura L. Smith, Ph.D. and Charles H. Elliott, Ph.D. Latest ArticlesMaking Happy Changes in Your HolidaysHelping Your Anxious Child Become More AssertiveWant to Derail Your Relationship? Listen to this Common AdviceOCD & the Holiday SeasonMeet the Parents: Navigating the Holiday Dinner without the StressBook Review: Beautiful Day FROM OUR NEWS BUREAUHarvard: Marijuana Doesn't Cause SchizophreniaAging May Be More Than Just YearsCanadian Teens Favoring OTC, Prescription Drugs Over Drinking & Smoking JUST PUBLISHED...The Gap: The Science of What Separates Us from...The Hidden Cost of Fitting InThe Small Gifts of Connection WHAT'S HOTHow to Spot a Psychopath9 Small But Significant Ways to Grow Every DaySchizophrenia Usually Strikes First in Young Adults advertisement Want a more immediate answer from others like you? Use your Psych Central account in our self-helpsupport community. Most Popular Posts5-Year-Old Son Abused Our DogPain from Daughter's DeathI Just Want To Be Left AloneTalking To Myself Out Loud: Normal or Not?Can't Get Over Girlfriend's Past Subscribe to Our Weekly Newsletter
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ๆฌข่ฟshiryuๅๅshireๅๅฎข#ๅฏไปฅ็ไธๆจ็ๆ่ง,ๆไผๆฏๅจๆฃๆฅ,ๅฆๆไฝ ็ฑๆ็ๅๅฎข, ๆฌข่ฟ้พๆฅๆ ๆ ่ฎข้ ๆ็ๅๅฎขๅ่กจๆดๆฐ
WELCOME TO HONG KEE VILLA !!
Clementi Hong Kee's websites
https://www.facebook.com/ClementiHongKeeVilla
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Clementi Hong Kee's websites
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Basic Information
About Clementi Hong Kee | 448 Clementi central #01-35 Hong Xing Li Haineses Chicken Rice MENU Steamed/Roasted Chicken BBQ Char Siew Roasted Pork Crispy Lemon Chicken Thai Style Toufu Crystal Chicken Feet Oyster Veg. Soup Of The Day Hong Kee Villa Sataybeehoon MENU Zao Pai Cai" Satay BeeHoon Kang Kong Cuttlefish Steamed Chicken Laksa Seafood Laksa Prawn Noodle Add: Clementi Central Hawker Centre, #01-25 for Hong Xing Li Haineses Chicken. #01-35 Hong Kee Villa SatayBeeHoon We Hope to Serve you with our best & with the Best Quality of our Food Cheers^^ |
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facebook.com/ClementiHongKeeVilla |
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Welcome to shiryuchen's blogwelcomeๆญก่ฟๅ ่จ**Shiryu aka Shire World ♥✔
♥♥♥For interested parties here (Singapore, Malaysia & Asia) and around the world, I would love to try, honest and talk about your product or host a giveaway for you! ♥♥♥I can share with my friends my honest to goodness review of your product and tell them what you have to offer specialty, as well as let them win some samples for themselves so they can try them out and tell their friends around! ♥♥♥ If you’re interested in promoting your product or company, or to secure a great spot or advert in my site, please contact me at shirechin@gmail.com. Cheers! ♥♥♥ ใทใณใธใฅๅฅๅใทใฃใคใขใใ Client can Test products for free and share their opinions! DO NOT MISTAKEN !! ![]() ![]() i do choose brands and good quality for testing and reviewing ... ![]() ![]() ![]() Followers ๆฌข่ฟshiryuๅๅshireๅๅฎข#ๅฏไปฅ็ไธๆจ็ๆ่ง,ๆไผๆฏๅจๆฃๆฅ,ๅฆๆไฝ ็ฑๆ็ๅๅฎข, ๆฌข่ฟ้พๆฅๆ ๆ ่ฎข้ ๆ็ๅๅฎขๅ่กจๆดๆฐไบบ็“ๅคงๆฅๅญ”ไธ็ฅ้ไปไฝๅผๅง? ไธ็ฅ้ๅฆไฝ็ญๅไธไธชๅฎ็พ็ๅฉ็คผ?ๆไพๆจไธๅๆ้็“ๅคงๆฅๅญ”่ต่ฎฏ! Copyright © Shiryu aka shire 2nd blog. All rights reserved | SCTS GROUP USA EUROPE UK AU ๅไฝไผไผด ๆธฏๅฐ็ฃไพๅบๅ/็ป้ๅ 40GOING20 Auction ONLINE Store FASHION BEAUTY COSMETIC PERFUME SKIN CARE ๆฐๅ ๅก้ฆฌไพ่ฅฟไบๆๅ็ฝ่ดญๅนณๅฐๆฐ้ฉฌๆธฏๅฐๆฅๆฌ้ฉๅฝๆฌง็พ็ฝไธๅๅบๆ้ฅฐ็พๅฎนๆค่คๅๅฆๅ้ฆๆฐดTAGGING SERVICE SPECIALLY SINGAPORE-MALAYSIA WEBS e LOVE SHOP ONLINE FASHION BEAUTY COSMETIC-stuck@here↑♀็พๆฅ้ๆๅฐ、่ก้ ญๆฝฎๆตๆต่ก้ฃพๅๅ
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ๅฅณ้้ฆๆฐด*ๅฐ็ฃ็ๅฐๅฅณไบบๆๆๅคง็พๅฎน็พๅฆ็พ้บๆฅ่จๅฟๆฉ็พไบบๅๆตท้ๆไบบ | Support 40going20.com Welcome to lala spree club house. We are an online fashion boutique where you able to browse, choose and purchase dresses, blouses or skirts for your various occasions. All trendies displayed @ our website are sourced from various most famous fashion |
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